I really don’t understand divorcing parents today.  I went through a California divorce in the mid-eighties when my son was only three months old.  My decision to divorce early was based on the fact that it would be harder on my son if I waited until he was older.  I already knew the marriage would not work and that it was based on a bad decision to go through with the marriage instead of calling it off at the last moment.

We were required by California law to attend a parenting session and setup a co-parenting schedule immediately after the session.  In that session, we became aware of how important it was to the child to be able to form his/her own opinion of their parents, instead of viewing the disagreements and hearing one parent talk negatively about the other.  This made so much sense, I think it was the perfect break we needed during the difficult time of thinking the other parent was the cause of the divorce.  After all, it really does take two to end a marriage.

From that moment, I always remembered to speak positively of my son’s father and make sure it was a pleasant exchange of words when he came to pick up my son.

What was the effect on my son in later years?

My son looked up to his father and respected him through high school.  As my son grew into an adult, his father started slipping and speaking negatively about me.  Maybe this was happening all along and my son just ignored it.  The end result is that he lost all respect for his father and at one point, refused to return his phone calls.  They seemed to disagree on everything.

At this point, I continued to advise my son that we all have faults and whatever was causing him anger with his father, he needed to discuss with him and work out their differences.  He took this to heart and was able to do that.  Unfortunately, his father was not as mature and was unhappy when his son disagreed with him.

The point of this story, is that in my heart I knew my son would eventually make up his own mind about his father - I didn’t need to plant negative seeds if I raised him correctly.  And that’s exactly what happened!